13. Tor #5 Conan the Magnificent by Robert Jordan

From Hyborean Apocrypha

After a delay to get over my boredom from the Leonard Carpenter one, I'm back with the first Robert Jordan Conan book that I've ever read. Like a lot of Fantasy fans, I've read his enormous Wheel of Time series. I liked it all right, but there weren't a shortage of moments when I didn't feel an injection of Conan couldn't have helped..

So hope you enjoyed the two reviews for Conan the Adventurer, I plan to finish the series eventually. so there will be more to come.

Prologue and chapters 1-3

Among the high places of the Kezankian mountains running between Zamora and Brythunia, dark rituals are being presided over by Basraken Ismalla. Human sacrifice, and other blood letting is the order of the day, for only the deaths of infidels will please his dark god. The true God. And all he lacks to make the world see its error and repent are the legendary Eyes of Fire.

It's nighttime in Shadizar, not a safe place for the unprepared to wander. But Conan is anything but, after his months long journey through the desert he has at last made it to Shadizar, the City of the Wicked. During the long periods of boring travel, he has gotten himself indebted to a spice merchant after some unlucky runs of dice, and is tasked with stealing an emerald cup as repayment.

Unfortunately for Conan another thief has beat him to the treasure house, she is there to steal a different item. but her interference nearly gets Conan captured by the guards. With a mighty bellow of CROM! he fights his way free and escapes. Without the emerald cup
however he won't get out of debt.. so nursing a grudge, he returns to his dive bar of choice.

No satisfaction from the tavern wenches doesn’t improve his mood, and the Tavern keeper is unable to tell him anything about the female thief who cost him his economic freedom. Conan waits till the morning then visits another source who may know more. He eventually finds the thief, but she doesn’t make it easy for him. After a bit of back and forth she leaves him once more balked.

Conan the Adventurer, Episode 2

From Hyborean Apocrypha

Conan: The Adventurer - Episode 2, The Heart of the Elephant part 2

Episode Two opens with Conan and Otli are sitting beside a river having a theological discussion about the nature of Crom's attitude towards testing as a form of caring. Just as the debate is heating up, a woman attacks and kicks Conan into the river. Her troops then arrive and take Otli and Conan prisoner.. Conan winds up in her bed, but then rebukes her and gets dressed. We learn the woman's name is Carella, Queen of Thieves. She's curious as to where Conan is headed, to which he answers to find the Wizard Yara, Carella too wishes to find Yara, to steal his magic Jewel. This Jewel is the Heart of the Elephant, to which this two parter gets its name. Conan replies that he is not interested in the jewel, only in rescuing Tamira. After calling him foolish for this quest, she offers herself to Conan once more, but he replies he only wants to collect Otli and get going.

Zzeben and Vulkar are still following Conan, They come across some of the survivors from Tamiras Village who are likewise looking for Conan. Hoping he will lead them to fight back against Hissar Zhul, They go with the survivors. The Farmers wish to attack a passing band of Zhul's troops, and Zzeben and Vulkar organize them to do it right. Meanwhile Otli and Conan have made it to Arenjun to find Yara. Before Conan enters the wizard's lair, Otli urges caution and Conan remarks"wizards can die". Shortly after Conan finds Tamira, but is captured by Yara. Yara imprisons Tamira in a mirror and tasks with an errand or he will keep her imprisoned forever. The Task is to retrieve his Jewel, the Heart of the elephant, Stolen by the creature which guards the tower.

Otli and Conan begin investigating the problem placed before them by Yara, and run into Carella again. Conan and Carella make a bargain, she gets all of the other stones, but Conan gets to return the Heart of the Elephant to Yara in exchange for Tamira's life. Venturing into the chamber with the Heart alone, Conan discovers it is guarded by a giant spider. Conan fights with it for a while, but quickly subdues it and makes his way deeper into the tower and discovers a large creature sitting on a throne. It relates to him how it taught Yara but he wanted all the power.

The large creature tells Conan that the stone was never Yara's but was his, and that Yara has been attempting to steal it for decades.. It tells Conan to kill it, and squeeze its heart's blood over the gem before taking it to Yara. It also tells Conan to deliver a message, That Yag-Kosha sends one last gift. The Task completed, the Jewel secured, Conan returns to Yara's Keep.

Unbeknown to Conan, General Goroth takes Tamira from yara and stabs her. Conan hands over the gem, and demands to know where Tamira is. Yara explains about Goroth and takes the gem, Conan says the words from Yag-Kosha and Yara is destroyed. He races to where Tamria is, where he has a few moments before she dies. And then the hunt for Goroth is on. Goroth returns to report to Hissar Zhul, that he has slain Tamira and called off the search for Conan. Zhul at first is furious, until Goroth explains that now out of Vengeance, Conan will come to him.

Conan and Otli meet Zzeben and Vulkar on the road to find Hissar Zhul. They relate how they have been gathering villagers and others tired of living under Zhul's rule. Conan speechifies a bit in order to motivate the villagers to follow him against Zhul for Revenge or Freedom. Along the way Conan and the Villagers join forces with Carellas thieves and bandits. And the Makeshift army marches against Hissar Zhul. Upon arrival this army is observed by Goroth, who plans to ambush them.

But Conan has already laid his own ambush and dispatches Goroth's Army ending by drowning Goroth. The Magic skull which Zhul converses with informs him that the battle went badly, and also that Conan is heading towards Zhul's castle soon. The skull suggests also that the better part of valor is discretion and that they should flee before he arrives. As the army arrives, Zhul's castle vanishes. Conan, Otli, Zzeben, and Vulkar set off to find Hissar Zhul and so the arc of the next twenty episodes is established.


Stories "Borrowed from" - "The Tower of the Elephant", Conan The Mercenary, and Conan and the Sorcerer


This episode is not even close to being bad, atleast until after the death of Tamira.. Zzeben and Vulkar, Otli and Carella are all decent enough characters but seeing Conan blubbering about Tamira. It was ridiculous when Milius had Swarzegnegger do it in the movie.. but at least Valeria was something special.. In the context of the film.. Tamira is just a farm girl who Conan only met a few days previously who's father was Mickey Rooney! It seems rather strange he would be so enthralled to her already..

Still the second act of the episode was an improvement over both the first episode and the first half of the second episode. Though its shaping up to be better than some of the Steve Perry novels anyway.. at least in so far.. there are no talking animals.. be thankful for small blessings I suppose.

Conan the Adventurer, Episode 1

From Hyborean Apocrypha

Conan: The Adventurer - (1997)

"After the oceans swallowed Atlantis but before the age of recorded history. Kingdom's spread across the ancient world.. This was the age of Conan. Enslaved as a Boy, Conan grew into a Warrior. He Escaped to encounter Mystery, magic and Myth, while forever encountering the ultimate master of sorcery. Lover, Friend, Hero. His Destiny, was to free the oppressed, And become a King by his own hand, Conan"

This is the third Conan Television series, following 1992's Conan the Adventurer and 1994's Conan and the Young Warriors. However it is the only live action series. It ran for 22 episodes. This show dosen't follow 1982's Conan the Barbarian, 1985's Conan the Destroyer or 1987's Red Sonja.


Conan: The Adventurer - Episode 1, The Heart of the Elephant part 1 (1997)

"Thousands of years ago, long after the oceans drank the gleaming city of Atlantis, There was an age undreamed of, when mythical kingdoms spread across the uncharted world like mantles beneath the stars. The Hyborian age, a time of superstition and myth. When sorcerers cast evil spells and fantastic creatures stalked the earth. A time when many were ruled by few. In this world lived an adventurer destined to be its king. A man in whose veins flowed the ancient blood of Atlantis, He is a Cimmerian, born on the Battlefield, strengthened by time and trial, He.. Is Conan"

So the Narrator informs us at the beginning of this episode, just before a man who is obviously a King wakes up. We are informed via his interrogation of a dodgy special effects skull beast thing that this is a recurring dream of his impending death at the hands of Conan. The man with this recurring dream is the so called King of Cimmeria, Hissar Zhul. He is especially concerned to acquire the Sword which Conan carries. His skull like adviser, recommends sending an army to capture Conan and the sword before he can fulfill his destiny of overthrowing Hissar Zhul. Zhul dispatches his Adviser Yara, his mistreated sidekick Otli and the great General Goroth to capture Conan.

Unbeknown to Conan (Ralph Moeller), who has just finished a hunt, Conan is accosted by a girl, Tamira, who begs off half his kill for her starving Village. While she is distracting him, some other villagers steal the rest of the kill. She then offers to prepare Conan a meal. A guest at his own meal he says. Dinner over, Gobe (Mickey Rooney) the village elder and Conan converse, Hissar Zhul we learn, rules all the lands from Shem to Cimmeria, and was responsible for raiding Conan's Village and kidnapping him as a child.

The army that Hissar Zhul sent, attacks the village but is repulsed by Conan but vow to return. Two day's later they do return and raze the village entirely to the ground. Capturing the girl and Conan, Yara lies to Goroth that the Barbarian they captured is not Conan and proceeds to sell him to a gladiatorial arena. This would make the second time in Conan's life which he is a Gladiator.

While awaiting his first day as a gladiator he comes to know, Zzeben the Mute and Vulkar, two other gladiators, imploring them to rise up against their captors and be free men. The Following day Conan faces Vulkar in the ring and they stage their escape along with Zzeben. In the woods, the three escaped gladiators plan to rescue Tamira, but not knowing where she is aren't sure how to go about it. They are then approached by Otli, who promises to guide Conan to her in exchange for Conan's help in him becoming a free man. Otli and Conan set off alone, but Zzeben silently implores Vulkar to follow them anyway.

Otli and Conan set off, and Conan quickly feels the urge to climb a hill. Otli says there's no reason to, but Conan goes anyway, where he finds a crypt and retrieves the Sword which Hissar Zhul saw in his dreams. The creature which formerly owned the sword objects to Conan's grave robbing and attacks. Conan defeats the creature, Otli says this is exactly why he didn't want to go in the cave.. why he hates caves in fact.. but Conan says he had to, was drawn to the cave by some force, The sword begins to glow, and we encounter Crom (Richard Burton*) who is unlike any other version of Crom.. in that he seems to be a caring and all around nice sort of chap for a disembodied floating head. He explains his grand purpose for Conan, that the sword is a magic sword from Atlantis which its conan's destiny to use to right wrongs in the world.


Next: Episode 2 The Heart of the Elephant part 2

*The image of Crom's face is reused stock footage of Burton, who died nearly 14 years before this program was made, I don't know who provided the voice.

...The Longest Fantasy Series?

After finding a link to a very interesting thread in which a courageous internet delver is attempting to make a list of the longest fantasy series in the world. I noticed that a certain mighty barbarian stood atop the pile... But something didn't quite look right. The number of books seemed much too low.. it was in fact nearly 14 short of the total number of Conan books.. and a further 15 short of having all the "Hyborean Apocrypha" included.

So I set out to rectify this.

According to my count, the 66 Conan titles published by various companies over nearly 40 years which comprise the loosely interconnected "Journeys of Conan" as it seems to be called total up to some 16000+ pages.. putting it well past the second closest, Discworld by nearly 3000 pages.

When one adds in the Hyborian age outriggers, Red Sonja and Age of Conan.. It balloons even further, to nearly 22,000 pages total.

So after researching everything, I present the following list with # of pages according to the editions which I own and/or can reference on Amazon.

#1 Lancer/Ace #1 Conan 221 pages
#2 Lancer/Ace #2 Conan of Cimmeria 190 pages
#3 Lancer/Ace #3 Conan the Freebooter 223 pages
#4 Lancer/Ace #4 Conan the Wanderer 222 pages
#5 Lancer/Ace #5 Conan the Adventurer 224 pages
#6 Lancer/Ace #6 Conan the Buccaneer 191 pages
#7 Lancer/Ace #7 Conan the Warrior 222 pages
#8 Lancer/Ace #8 Conan the Usurper 256 pages
#9 Lancer/Ace #9 Conan the Conqueror 296 pages
#10 Lancer/Ace #10 Conan the Avenger 192 pages
#11 Lancer/Ace #11 Conan of Aquilonia 171 pages
#12 Lancer/Ace #12 Conan of the Isles 189 pages

Total # 2597 Pages

#13 Ace Conan and the Sorcerer 186 pages
#14 Ace Conan the Mercenary 187 pages
#15 Ace Conan and the Flame Knife 160 pages
#16 Ace Conan and the Treasure of Tranicos 191 pages

Total # 724 pages

#17 Ace/Bantam/Tor #13/#1/#47 Conan the Swordsman 256 pages
#18 Ace/Bantam/Tor #14/#2/#48 Conan the Liberator 256 pages
#19 Ace/Bantam/Tor #15/#3/#45 The Sword of Skelos 224 pages
#20 Ace/Bantam/Tor #16/#4/#43 Conan The Road of Kings 224 pages
#21 Ace/Bantam/Tor #17/#6/#44 Conan the Rebel 224 pages
#22 Ace/Bantam/Tor #18/#5/#49 Conan and the Spider God 256 pages
#23 Bantam #7 Conan the Barbarian 192 pages

Total # 1632 pages

#24 Tor #1 Conan the Invincible 288 pages
#25 Tor #2 Conan the Defender 288 pages
#26 Tor #3 Conan the Unconquered 288 pages
#27 Tor #4 Conan the Triumphant 320 pages
#28 Tor #5 Conan the Magnificent 288 pages
#29 Tor #6 Conan the Destroyer 288 pages
#30 Tor #7 Conan the Victorious 288 pages
#31 Tor #8 Conan the Valorous 288 pages
#32 Tor #9 Conan the Fearless 288 pages
#33 Tor #10 Conan the Renegade 288 pages
#34 Tor #11 Conan the Raider 288 pages
#35 Tor #12 Conan the Champion 288 pages
#36 Tor #13 Conan the Defiant 256 pages
#37 Tor #14 Conan the Marauder 228 pages
#38 Tor #15 Conan the Warlord 288 pages
#39 Tor #16 Conan the Valiant 288 pages
#40 Tor #17 Conan the Hero 288 pages
#41 Tor #18 Conan the Bold 288 pages
#42 Tor #19 Conan the Great 288 pages
#43 Tor #20 Conan the Indomitable 288 pages
#44 Tor #21 Conan the Freelance 288 pages
#45 Tor #22 Conan the Formidable 288 pages
#46 Tor #23 Conan the Guardian 288 pages
#47 Tor #24 Conan the Outcast 288 pages
#48 Tor #25 Conan the Rogue 320 pages
#49 Tor #26 Conan the Relentless 288 pages
#50 Tor #27 Conan the Savage 320 pages
#51 Tor #28 Conan of the Red Brotherhood 288 pages
#52 Tor #29 the Gods of the Mountain 288 pages
#53 Tor #30 the Treasure of Python 288 pages
#54 Tor #31 Conan the Hunter 256 pages
#55 Tor #32 Scourge of the Bloody Coast 256 pages
#56 Tor #33 Conan and the Manhunters 288 pages
#57 Tor #34 Conan at the Demon's Gate 288 pages
#58 Tor #35 Conan the Gladiator 288 pages
#59 Tor #36 Conan and the Amazon 288 pages
#60 Tor #37 Conan and the Mists of Doom 288 pages
#61 Tor #38 Conan and the Emerald Lotus 288 pages
#62 Tor #39 Conan and the Shaman's Curse 256 pages
#63 Tor #40 Conan, Lord of the Black River 288 pages
#64 Tor #41 Conan and The Grim Grey God 224 pages
#65 Tor #42 the Death Lord of Thanza 272 pages
#66 Tor #46 Conan of Venarium 272 pages

Total # 12196 pages

#67 Ace Red Sonja #1 246 pages
#68 Ace Red Sonja #2 224 pages
#69 Ace Red Sonja #3 183 pages
#70 Ace Red Sonja #4 217 pages
#71 Ace Red Sonja #5 200 pages
#72 Ace Red Sonja #6 199 pages

Total # 1269 Pages

#73 Ace Age of Conan #1 Legends of Kern #1 336 pages
#74 Ace Age of Conan #2 Legends of Kern #2 304 pages
#75 Ace Age of Conan #3 Legends of Kern #3 336 pages
#76 Ace Age of Conan #4 Heretics of Set #1 288 pages
#77 Ace Age of Conan #5 Heretics of Set #2 272 pages
#78 Ace Age of Conan #6 Heretics of Set #3 264 pages
#79 Ace Age of Conan #7 Soldiers Quest #1 304 pages
#80 Ace Age of Conan #8 Soldiers Quest #2 288 pages
#81 Ace Age of Conan #9 Soldiers Quest #3 288 pages
#82 Ace Age of Conan #10 Marauders #1 240 pages
#83 Ace Age of Conan #11 Marauders #2 240 pages
#84 Ace Age of Conan #12 Marauders #3 240 pages

Total # 3400 Pages

Grand Total # 21818 pages

12. Tor #24, Conan the Outcast by leonard Carpenter, part 5

Now in league with Khumannos, and leading the procession of the stone Idol. Conan regains entry to the town of Qjara. Church business is church business, and who are city guards to argue with that sort of reasoning. The great church combination must proceed so the Idol, Khumannos and Conan are allowed into the city.. if not welcomed.

After some time of waiting all the components of the Idol have arrived in Qjara, and Khummanos and his workmen are busy assembling it in its new temple. during this time, Conan has the opportunity to converse with Princess Afriandra about the nature of religion and things of that sort.

Shortly following the completion of the idol, crowds have begun to form. Afriandra and her sister priestess's beseech the people of Qjara to cast out Khummanos and his blasphemous idol, when Khummanos asks for calm and explains the whole situation. That Qjara is to be a sacrifice to his dread god, Votantha, so that Sark may live again. Conan, feeling he has been taken for a fool has to suppress the urge to simply dispatch Khummanos then and there, and after he helped the priest across the desert and everything..

His plan blatantly revealed to the masses the pilgrims and priests of Votantha begin to rampage through the city and the giant, now animate, idol begins to attack and consume all the Qjarans it can lay its testicles on. Conan, finds his knife from the Shanki ineffective so he "acquires" a magic sword.. and magic armor.. which which to hopefully slay the demon.

After the battle, having saved the city for a second time. The King and Queen announce that Conan is no longer an outcast, and Conan quite amicably states that he's never been one to hold a grudge. Friends again, dark priests plans foiled, as soon as a Northern bound caravan is available it will be time for Conan to once more begin his journey north to Shadizar.

The End.



Review, This book was boring, really boring. so boring that it took me nearly a month to read it. And Conan was extremely not Conan in it. despite all my moaning about Steve Perry.. His books were silly, but at least his Conan at least shared a few identifiable features.

Mr. Carpenters Conan however, spends an inordinate amount of time doing well.. helpful.. things. He teaches the local orphans how to fish. He seems to expend a lot of worry over the slaves who are moving Khummanos's Idol through the desert. He also whines about something not being Fair.... if you have ever seen the program Venture Brothers.. I expect Carpenter's Conan to talk rather like the character Shore Leave.



On the plus column, this book adds geographical and political levels to the normally empty "Shem" on the maps. It provides that deep into the deserts of Shem, around water courses, there are a number of small city states. That is rather more interesting than the story itself.


Locations, Eastern Shemitish Desert.
Towns, Sark, Qjara, Yb the cursed.
Characters: Conan, Khumanos, Anaximander, Zaius,
Languages Spoken: Cimmerian, Aesir, Hyperborean, Brythunian, Zamorian, Kothic, Turanian, Shemitish.

12. Tor #24, Conan the Outcast by leonard Carpenter, part 4

The day of the duel has arrived, Conan v. Zaius, winner take the princess. The bulk of the town has turned out to witness this event, understandably so, since if it's as dull as it seems they probably haven't had this much excitement since the last outbreak of Shemitish sand fleas. Zaius blusters and struts, thinking the Barbarian easy prey for his disciplined sword arm. As Monarch and townspeople watch, Zaius raises his sword and then neatly cuts his own head off*.

Conan is astounded and demands what sort of farce this contest is, but he is quickly shushed by the priestess's of Qjara lest he spoil the moment with his blasphemous chatter. Conan is thus defeated, through a technicality, and is shunned by the tiny nation-state of Qjara. He protests, but this avails him nothing. So in leaving Qjara, he reflects on what brought him here in the first place.

After leaving Zamboula, he began to journey northwest. But a series of dry oasis necessitated his veering off course during his journey. His ultimate goal was and still is to return to Shadizar, but since he had been thwarted by nature, he chose to wait in Qjara for a northbound caravan. But that has now been denied him as well, not one to sulk, he sets off on his own.

After some days he finds himself in a deserted city in the middle of the waste. He realizes with horror that this city is the cursed Yb. A demon haunted ruin shunned by everyone. He eventually encounters an unlikely procession, a great wagon bearing a stone idol, headed towards Qjara under the auspices of Khumannos the high priest. With a desire to right the wrongs inflicted on him by the people of Qjara he accepts Khumannos as a traveling companion and they head eastward once more.











*I swear I'm not making this up.

12. Tor #24, Conan the Outcast by leonard Carpenter, part 3

After a vacation to recuperate from a crippling attack of boredom. we will be Picking back up with Conan The Uneventful..err The Outcast.. were we left him.. in exactly the same place he has been for 100 pages..the world knows what he will do now.. but I suspect exactly the same thing he's been doing for 100 pages... nothing.


Conan is teaching the local gutter snipes to fish the ready creek that he has been camped near for days. But soon has to babysit the whole herd of them when the city is attacked. He then proceeds to help out about town fending off the attacking nomads, its an awfully civilized thing for him to do. This gains him some prestige with the populous.. but nothing but a disdainful look from Guardian Zaius. For his gallantry Zaius earns special blessings of church and state, and to Conan too is honour bestowed. He receives as his reward a kiss from the Princess, and as result is forced into a duel with Zaius.

Before this happens however, the King and Queen of Qjara ride out to meet the coming mission of King Anaximander of Sark who has come to discuss matters of kingly import. Philosophical debates ensue, and a proposal to marry the two city-states faiths is batted about, then the two rulers embark on a field trip to the desert. Its while on this trip that Anaximander is alerted to the progress of priest Khumanos in fulfilling his designs.

The Princess and Conan converse for some time, dwelling on her proof of her prophetic powers.. in the end she beseeches Conan not to fight Zaius, for he will surly lose.