45. Tor Conan #35, Conan the Gladiator by Leonard Carpenter.

Conan, newly returned to civilization following his adventures in the Southern Kingdoms and Kush, now finds himself in the Shemite city of Thujara with his money running low. Before long he is caught up with a circus troop in need of a strong man to wrestle with local toughs in order to make bets. They are made an offer to journey to Stygia to perform. After some travel they arrive in Stygia and do their circus and by the end of their period there one of the circus performers has become a new leader in Stygia, and then Conan leaves.

Honestly, that's a complete summary of the entire novel. Vastly simplified, but theres really not much else that happened. It was an entertaining enough book, but it could have been a much smaller short story.. it's so padded with examples of circus life and his interactions with the other circus performers. It's not got much going for it in terms of Conan's character, but thats nothing knew for Carpenter as a writer.. however.. next we get to the major problem with this book.

I just want to point out, that the placement of this book in this Chronology, proves one thing. That Conan has GIANT BRASS BALLS.. they are so big, I'm surprised he can even walk. The reason I say this is simple, He GOES TO STYGIA, and LOOKS JUST LIKE AMRA, and he does all of this AFTER having spent years, one; foiling Stygian plots, two; raiding Stygian ships, three; after leading a raid into the very heart of Stygia and four; running afoul of numerous Stygian nobles and priests all over the Hyborean Continent.. And he does all of this.. in order to bed a Circus girl? Yes, He went to Stygia to rescue Belit's Brother, he will later go to Stygia while trying to defeat Xaltotun in Hour of the Dragon, but both times he went, great need impelled him to undertake such a risky venture, and he treated it as such. Simply put, One does not simply walk into Stygia. This trip just makes no sense at all, at least not during this point in his life. Considering that he starts in Shem, and there is no reference to him having recently been in the southern kingdoms, or his days of piracy, And if it wasn't for a single mention of Conan having been to Stygia, which he visited in Conan the Rebel, I would have to assume that it took place before Queen of the Black Coast, since he is singularly not worried about going to Stygia on such a mundane trip. Considering that the only explanation I can think of to explain such a thing away, is that Conan, still bereft at the death of his lover Belit, simply doesn't care what happens to him. This explanation falls apart though, when the logical extrapolation of that would be he would simply have stayed among the Bamulas and not bothered having begun the arduous journey northwards, and especially wouldn't have then turned around and gone south again. This is a case where the simplest explanation is the best, the book is bad, poorly thought out, if still entertaining, with no reference given to any attempt at maintaining geographic logic, or consistency in Conan's travels. Ugh. I've found that basically the only reason it works here, is that Conan is still in the same general area in the next book, which actually makes some logical effort to explain why he is there.

Up Next, considered to be perhaps the best Conan Pastiche, John C. Hocking's "Conan and the Emerald Lotus"

44. Ace Conan #2.8, The Snout in the Dark by Robert E. Howard and L. Sprague Decamp

Conan, now in Meroe the Capital city of Kush, fresh from his adventures in the southern black kingdoms, rescues a queen named Tananda. It seems that Tananda is the cuase of some ire for a dark wizard who is using a conjuration to eliminate political prisoners and then blaming the deaths on the queen. Conan of course can't help but get involved and soon finds himself a captain of the queen's guard. He helps interrogate a suspicious nemedian slave girl before eventually unraveling the plot against the queen.  Conan and the slave girl are nearly killed, but the conjured creature is gravely wounded and returns to it's master, alerting a large crowd of who is behind the killings in the process. Soon a rebellion is rocking the city of Meroe, and Conan and the slave girl decide to leave town.

This is an attempt by DeCamp to finish an REH fragment, I'm not sure how much is which writer, and to be honest it's pretty mediocre. It really rounds off the bulk of this particular book which isn't really that great of a representation of REH's Conan at his best. It contains quite a few stories where Conan either espouses some very nasty opinions, threatens nefarious deeds, or simply runs away in a rather un Conan-like manner. That being said this volume of the ACE series does contain what is one of the BEST Conan, and possibly REH stories ever, Queen of the Black Coast. The rest function more as an Anchor attempting to drag down QotBC than anything else.

Up next, Conan the Gladiator by Leonard Carpenter

43. Ace Conan #2.7, The Castle of Terror by L. Sprague De Camp and Lin Carter

Conan, following his adventures with the Bamulas is on the run again. Not from a human adversary but from a pride of Lions. He takes shelter in an abandoned castle and soon finds there is more the ruin than meets the eye.  Thousands of lost souls begin to make their presence known before ultimately coalescing into a multi limbed monstrosity and doing battle with a troop of Stygian slavers who have also stumbled upon the deserted keep. The squamous and horrid creature quickly tears all but one of the slavers to shreds, stopping at simply driving that one insane. Conan, realizing he has no desire to finish his life on so ignominious an end, decides that discretion is the better part of valor and since the slavers won't be needing their horses simply takes one and makes his way away from the keep.

This was not a bad story, benefiting from not being long, but really didn't do much to improve the readers view of Conan the man if read immediately following Vale of Lost Women. It also re-used a lot of the tropes that DeCamp & Carter are well known for.. but the monstrosity had me feeling like I was watching a Hyborean age version of John Carpenter's The Thing.

Up Next, "The Snout in the Dark" By Robert E. Howard and L. Sprague DeCamp 

42. Ace Conan #2.6, The Vale of Lost Women, By Robert E. Howard.

Conan, still living with the Bamulas, rescues a captive northern girl and fights a lovecraftian monstrosity.

I really don't like this story.. I don't want to get into any sort of armchair psychologist sort of thing with it.. I simply don't like it. I consider it to be one of the worst Conan stories, and also one of the worst REH stories I've read. Suffice to say I feel there is a reason why it was never published in the author's lifetime.. as it simply isn't up to the quality of work he normally produced and is also rife with problematic and extremely cynical (even for Howard) views of the world.

That being said, I think that the Characterization of Conan himself is still quite good.. showing his frustration with the Bamulas and other tribes in the Black Kingdoms.. while also showing he is still a man of honor with no truck with rapists or those who force themselves on women.

Up next, The Castle of Terror by L. Sprague DeCamp and Lin Carter

41. Tor Conan #34, Conan at the Demon's Gate by Roland Green.

This story opens years after the previous left off. Conn, Son of Conan is king of Aquilonia and is busy trying to pacify the borders of his land which abut the Pictish Wilderness. A minor nobleman who has been stationed in these newly colonized lands is investigating a cave when he finds something which shocks him. A statue of King Conan, deep in territory where Conan never ruled but also supposedly never visited. This then is a mystery.

The story then jumps backwards in time, back to Conan following the death of Belit and the destruction of the Tigress has been living in the dense jungles for some weeks. He has been taking offerings left to appease him by a superstitious tribe of fisher folk, and generally trying to sort himself out and decide what to do next. It isn't long before this choice is made for him when he runs across a group of Bamula warriors out hunting boar. Recognizing him as Amra, though not quite trusting him, the Bamula's invite him to their village where he quickly begins gaining prominence.

While this is happening various animals and creatures are appearing in the surrounding jungle and Conan and the Bamulas decide to investigate. They discover that there is a gateway, known as the Demon's Gate, which is allowing these creatures access to the lands of the black kingdoms. This gate must be closed, but in the attempt Conan and several Bamula warriors are transported through it into the vast Pictish Wilderness where they must not only fight for their lives against the hordes of barely human Picts but also defeat a Stygian sorcerer who is powering the Demon's Gate, in the Pictish lands looking for an artifact of great power, the dread Crystal of Thraz.

It takes days, requires allies of Bossonians and a few Aqulionians to eventually defeat this sorcerer before their plans can come to fruition and unleash greater evil on the world. The power of the crystal transforms an ordinary stone into a replica of the Cimmerian and imbues it with powers, while dread, are soon able to be controlled by Conan who commands it to cease its attack and go dormant.

At the end of the story, Conan opts to return to the black kingdoms which he has now come to think of as as new home, due mostly to the strength of the warriors and the embraces of the women, and the jungle beer which a man could drink quantities sufficient to float a ship yet never get drunk, ready for more adventures in new lands.

The story then flashes back to the Aqulionian nobleman investigating the statue, he finds out from some extremely aged Bossonians more or less rumors of what had happened.. King Conan leading a band of black skinned warriors against the Picts years ago, and commanding an army of stone statues. The nobleman deduces that, though the statue is obviously some sort of powerful weapon, only one person, King Conn, likely has the ability to control it, and so opts to ignore investigating the mystery any further and forget about the statue as nothing more than a quirk or relic destined for some later purpose. 

 Now this was an interesting book. I felt that in spite of it's strange plot, the demon's gate functioning as a portal between two completely different yet equally dangerous locales, that the writing of Conan himself was very good. Further, the book showed a great deal of details about the Bamulas, a group which got lots of mentions but not a whole lot of time on the page being fleshed out. What emerges is a warrior society which has very well established orders and a good bit to be admired and for Conan to learn from.. while also still not doing much to disabuse him of his more cynical observations of the human condition.

The frame story set during the reign of Conn is interesting but ultimately un-needed.. it didn't need to exist other than to add some sort of permanence to the expedition through the Demon's Gate. It also served to show that, though the people of Conan's day are mostly unaware of the relics of the past which still litter their world, they clearly exist and often have a great potency and capacity for ill use by those so inclined. This book also yet again shows how far flung the machinations of the Stygians really extends. Destabilizing the Hyborean kingdoms, hunting for powerful relics, directly interceding in conflicts to ensure lucrative outcomes.. it all feels as if this is building up to something, vengeance against the Hyboreans maybe, more than likely just an attempt to grab at the remnants left behind when Stygia's sister empire Acheron fell thousands of years before.

Over all though this was an enjoyable and fast read, and was a complete change from the previous Roland Green book that I read set in Argos.

Up next, back to Robert E. Howard, with " The Vale of Lost Women "...

40. Ace Conan #2.5, Queen of the Black Coast, part 2, By Robert E. Howard

The finale of Queen of the Black coast picks up some time after the events of Conan the Rebel, many other adventures have unfurled off page in the time which Conan has been with Belit, he's now about 25.

Belit issues orders for her crew to set sail up a nameless river somewhere in the regions south of Kush, before long they find themselves in a dense jungle and come upon a ruined and forgotten city. Belit finds a necklace which induces madness and she and the crew are all soon killed by a winged monster which guards the city.  Conan, riven with grief sets out to destroy the monster, and is on the verge of being killed when the ghost of Belit intervenes and gives him strength. Conan afterwords burns Belits body and the ship. Conan, grief stricken, with his future unknown and dubious chances of survival, sets off alone into the forbidding jungle.

"Queen of the Black Coast" is, in my opinion, one of the best Conan stories which REH wrote.. following very closely on the heals of "Tower of the Elephant" in my rankings. It is a powerful story and does a great deal to advance and build upon Conan as a character. Gone is all pretense of a callow youth out only for adventure and material gain, present is a man seasoned by many battles and great personal loss. Though there have been many women in Conan's life by the time this story takes place, none of them had been as important to him as Belit, nor would any of them be missed in the same way as her.

This will likely be my last update for a while as classes started yesterday and I will be needing to get a handle on them before I continue any of my own personal projects.

Up Next, Conan at the Demon's Gate by Roland Green. Which based on the description on the back, I am decidedly not looking forward to.

39. Bantam Conan #6, Conan the Rebel by Poul Anderson

Conan and Belit are raiding up and down the coasts of Shem, Stygia, Kush and the various other countries which border on the western sea. They are especially interested in raiding Stygian vessels, due to Belits family history with them. Her family were apparently settlers of a sort in Kush but were killed by Stygian evil doers. We learn of this as to also give an idea of the background of Stygia itself, since though it has been mentioned before, this will be the first time readers have actually visited the benighted land itself.

Elsewhere, the Stygian sorcerer Tothapis sets in motion events designed to destroy the piratical pair. He sets bait to lure the pirates into a trap, news of Belits brother, long thought deceased is spread amongst the crews of ships just waiting for them to be predated upon. Once this news has been heard, Conan and Belit set out to Stygia to rescue her missing family member.

Along the way they run afoul of prophecies of one sort or another, Conan becomes the wielder of a legendary axe, and they take a ride on a flying boat. Eventually they deal with the traps, and foil the plans of Tothapis, and beat an escape from Stygia and continue on with their piratical adventuring.

I really didn't like this book, which is a shame, as I typically really like Poul Anderson. It doesn't feel like Conan, and I really dislike that an author as seasoned as Anderson did something as amatuerish as inserting his story in between chapters of one of Robert E. Howard's stories. Obviously he wanted to make use of Belit, and for reasons to be revealed in my next review had to do it this way, but his way of going about using her feels really poorly executed. The best bits about it are the geographical details it gives about Stygia, and the fact that it shows Conan yet again interfering with this necromantic kingdom's plans of world domination. Though it's a slow burn, sporadically cropping up, it becomes the dominant theme of the Meta-Series that Conan is obviously destined to destroy Stygia during his lifetime.

The story is boring, it makes use of the "Bandit run" trope which I've commented on before, it introduces some extremely strange elements which feel like they would have been more at place in a Thongor story (the flying ship), and over all just doesn't feel like a Conan story at all.. I hate to say it, but this one kept my interest about as much as the average Steve Perry book does. It's a shame, as if Anderson had given us a story more akin to his Viking books (Mother of Kings, Broken Sword, Hrolf Kraki's Saga, the Last Viking, War of the Gods) instead of a book which feels more like a pastiche of Burroughs or Lin Carter.. I think it would have been wonderful. As it was, it was forgettable at best, and an annoyance for breaking up the totally superior REH story at worst.

If you want another really good review of this book and it's problems, check out CROM!'s review from June.

38. Ace Conan #2.5, Queen of the Black Coast, part 1, By Robert E. Howard

As with most of Howard's stories I will only be giving a quick overview of the events as much better reviews are available elsewhere online, this story is split in half due to Poul Anderson's Conan the Rebel falling in between Chapters of the story.

Conan, runs afoul of the law in Argos and has to make a hasty escape. He gains passage aboard a trade ship, The Argus, which is headed south to Kush. On their way to Kush they are attacked by Belit, the Pirate Queen, and her black skinned reavers. Conan manages to join their crew through his prowess and because Belit is quickly taken by him. Soon the two are lovers and Conan is functioning as her right hand during the raiding expeditions.

37. Tor Conan #23, Conan the Guardian by Roland J. Green

This story picks up more or less where the last left off, Conan and his free companions are now in Argos after having barely escaped the fall out of the political power struggle in Ophir. The Argossians are not particularly interested in allowing a group of free-lances into their country, and it requires hefty "tolls" in order to get the gears of Argossian bureaucracy turning.  Eventually, following a tussle with a river monster, Conan manages to get his companions into Argos, and gets them gainful employment.

However, it isn't long until Conan yet again finds himself embroiled in a local power struggle, and has to continually dodge the officious bureaucrats of Argos who wish nothing more than to expel him and his companions. After several weeks spent searching for the cause of the disturbances surrounding his employer, Conan succeeds in alleviating the problem. For his efforts he is made a citizen of Argos, and retroactively made a member of the elite Guardians of Argos.. before just as swiftly losing his status as a Guardian, all through the effects of bureaucratic paperwork.

He opts to stay in Argos while some of his companions chose to continue onwards to other locations, but it's unlikely he will be here long with the judicial system seemingly constantly out to get him, it's only a matter of time before a misunderstanding finally compels him to leave.

This wasn't a bad book, but it wasn't great either. Roland J. Green seems to turn in that sort of book consistently, neither bad nor good, but simply existing. As the finale of the series depicting Conan's journey southwards, I felt it did it's job adequately, but I was disappointed that the writer didn't attempt to link the story closer to the one which follows it, "Queen of the Black Coast". I presume that, they simply didn't want to make it to concrete in case there was ever the option of adding another story in between.

Up next is, at least part of a Robert E. Howard story, perhaps one of the most important Conan stories, Queen of the Black Coast.

36. Tor Conan #4, Conan the Triumphant by Robert Jordan

Conan and his free company have now been in Ophir for a year. Building a reputation for their stalwart attitudes and ability to get difficult jobs done. During this year Conan has watched as the The King of Ophir, Valdric, has slipped deeper and deeper from his position, giving more and more power to his generals.  Not long after the story begins, Valdric dies, and the free companions quickly become involved in a power struggle between the three parties seeking to claim the throne. These claimants are Antimedes, Lady Synelle and Valentius. 

Conan comes to the attention of lady Synelle after he purchases a bronze statue of a god whom she wishes to return to life. Believing the statue holds the key to this, she sets about to complicate the Cimmerians life. Along the way she sends bandits, misfits, miscreants, trulls and eventually even Karela the Red Hawk, an erstwhile associate of the barbarian from previous adventures.

Synelle eventually grows wary of toying with the barbarian, and finding that he cares somewhat for Karela, plots to sacrifice her to bring back the dark god. Conan launches an assault on Synelle's mountain fastness and make it to the ceremonial chamber to late. Synelle has managed to raise her dark god, but without sacrificing Karela. Conan engages the demonic entitity and succeeds in destroying it by running it through with a spear. Whatever magics Synelle had used to raise the god, then proceeds to make it's fate her own and both are turned to stone. With the destruction of Synelle and the demon, the mountain fortress begining to crumble around their ears, Conan and Karela make a hasty exit.

While Conan has been sidelined dealing with Synelle, the armies of Valentius have brought him to the very cusp of victory in his quest for the throne, with only a few small skirmishes left before he can safely claim it. Conan sees this as a good opportunity to get out of town, and unable to convince Karela to go with him, bids her farewell. Conan parts ways with his Free Companions and heads south once more towards the sunny land of Argos.

This was a pretty good book all around, It again shows hallmarks of Robert Jordan's writing style, and again reintroduces characters from the other RJ books. This is a nice touch, something which other writers would have been well to do. It makes the Hyborian lands feel as if they are populated by a number of adventures, rather than Conan being the only one. Again the political nature of the book, along with the magical items in this, and especially Lady Synelle, once again reminded me of aspects of Jordan's "The Wheel of Time". 


Unlike when I completed the last of the Steve Perry books, and had a celebratory drink to clear my head.. I'm rather sorry that this was the last Robert Jordan I will be reading for quite some time. It also will likely be the last time we see Hordo or Karela, both of whom I'm going to miss as characters.  It's also a rather sad time since, now, apart from his few Western's, I've nearly read the man's entire literary output, a paltry 21 or so books. It's a shame as, despite his propensity to wander and get caught up in minutiae.. he was a very inventive writer, and I'm very much looking forward to finally finishing The Wheel of Time when Brandon Sanderson's 3rd completed volume is released early next year.

Up next, Conan the Guardian by Roland J. Green.

35. Tor Conan #2, Conan the Defender by Robert Jordan

In this tale, we find Conan once more in Nemedia, having traveled south out of Brythunia. Still toying with the idea of forming his own Mercenary Free Company, the Cimmerian soon reunites with his friend Hordo, and erstwhile foil Karela (last seen in Conan the invincible), and gets involved with the plotting of some trust fund embryo-socialists. In the course of the story he foils an evil wizard, disrupts the plotting of various nefarious nobility, rescues a damsel or two, drinks copiously, and generally has an all around good time.  At the end of the work Conan finally has his free company, and sets off south for Ophir at the head of his band.

The book itself is a bit dense in terms of political machinations, and might require a few re-reads of certain pages in order to really follow whats going on. This is almost the last of Robert Jordan's Conan pastiches, and as I've said previously, I can easily see how this is the same writer who went on to craft the massive (and at times massively confusing) Wheel of Time series. There are ideas and scenes, both good and bad, littered through out these books which were either re-purposed, reused or simply rough drafts for the later work.

Chronologically the book served the purpose of moving Conan from point A, to point B. It had clear chronological connections to  previous works, and goes to some effort to start setting up "Queen of the Black Coast". I feel that it's location here is well founded and I can't see any major problems with it. Whats more, it begins hinting at how precariously balanced the power structure in Nemedia truly is, something which will pay off handsomely by the time you get to "The Hour of the Dragon". Any time a Pastiche writer actually includes information which adds, rather than ignores, to aspects of Robert E. Howard's original stories tends to work out well. After all, that is supposed to be the entire point of these pastiches, to fill in gaps and add to the original authors work, not simply to churn out drek for people who are too afraid to try something new.

While it is a bit political in nature, these scenes rarely slow down the story telling. You can tell that, this being only the second of the Tor pastiches, and consequently only the 2nd Conan book which Jordan had written.. that he was still some what getting the hang of the character, and perhaps still unintentionally basing him more off the Conan of the John Milius film than on the Conan of Robert E. Howard. All in all though, I enjoyed the book and read it at an almost break neck pace (considering my some what lackadaisical attitude towards reviews lately, for which I apologize). If you want a good Conan story, you can't really go wrong with this one.

Up Next is Conan the Triumphant, which is the last Robert Jordan novel I will be reviewing for a very long time, as the only remaining one is his novelization of Conan the Destroyer.. which seeing as it does not fit into the Chronology as presented by William Galen Grey.. I won't be reviewing till the very end of this project.

On a complete aside, I've also just found out that some one has been citing my reviews on the Wikipedia entries for these books.. I'm not sure if I'm flattered by this or not, as it makes me feel as if some one is trying to portray me as something I'm not, an expert.  Really I'm just a fan, and am trying to provide brief reviews and a bit of humor along the way while I read through this massive stack of books.

33. Tor Conan #26 - Conan: The Relentless by Roland Green

Conan's story picks up with him entering the Border Kingdoms, briefly recapping the events which transpired on snow devil glacier and Conan's run in with the Ice Worm, and contemplates joining a bandit group to raid a caravan. Conan hears the bandits speaking of a certain personage with whom he is familiar. Raihna. This woman, whom Conan had last seen during an adventure in the Illbars mountains (Conan the Valiant, also by Green) directly preceding his exile from Turan (Conan and the Spider-God, DeCamp) and his return to Cimmeria (Conan the Valorous, John Roberts) is apparently in command of the guards of the soon to be raided caravan. Now Conan is curious as to what this woman is doing so far from her typical haunts, and aims to find out. He turns down the bandits and opts instead to side with Raihna and her caravan guards, soon fighting his way through the bandits to her side in battle.

Before long they are journeying together, and telling one another of the things which have occurred in the year since they parted company. It doesn't take long before the two adventurers are embroiled in court intrigues with the pauper lord of the border realms, King Eloikis. Though Conan wonders what in the border realms is worth calling a kingdom, the people themselves seem proud in spite of their deprivation. Raihna and Conan are informed that the King's got a problem, and It seems one of the local Counts, and a pair of demon summoning wizards are involved. Eloikis wishes the adventurers to deal with this problem for him in the most expeditious way possible.

Over the course of the next 200 pages or so, Conan and Raihna find themselves involved in a series of incidents which without fail leave Conan ample opportunity, and energy to cavort with his female counterpart. They engage in all manner of exploits, culminating in rescuing the King's daughter, and his new grandson. Over the course of the story Raihna realizes that she has come to love one of the King's guards and opts to stay in the Border Kingdom, poor as it may be, with him rather than continue southwards with Conan. She takes her position in the new Queen's court, and bids Conan Adieu as he turns his sights to the sunny south once more.

In the end, this was not a bad little story. As with most of the Pastiches, it was to long for the scanty plot which it was built around, and like most it would have been better served to come to the 130-150 page mark rather than the obligatory 270+ Page mark. The story was especially interesting in that it reintroduced a character we had seen previously, adding a lot to her character, and then wraps her story up with a nice conclusion.  The story also was very easy to place chronologically due to the author taking steps to give clear markers as to where the story fit. Plot wise there wasn't a whole lot going on that we haven't seen before. It felt like mostly what it was, filler, but decent filler rather than horrid filler. So far it's the second Roland J. Green that I've read and I'm just not seeing what is supposedly so offensive about the guy's writing. Sure, he's not John Maddox Roberts or even Robert Jordan.. but he's far superior to Leonard Carpenter or Steve Perry.

Up next is Conan the Savage by Leonard Carpenter. 

31. Ace Conan #2.3 - "The Frost Giant's Daughter" - Robert E. Howard

After a long long hiatus, I'm going to try and get back to work on this project. What better way to start than with the story which, arguably, some say is the very first Conan story chronologically, but for my tastes, fits best here.

I feel that for the purposes of this Chronology which we are following, Conan is still, despite all of his adventures, a fairly young man. He is also a very frustrated man. For a brief re-cap of the last few volumes, Having allowed his appetites, fists and mouth to get him into trouble in Turan, and cost him his captaincy in the Turanian Army, Conan headed west and north for many days, eventually traveling back into his native Cimmeria. Finding the welcome not quite what he expected, and finding that the looming troubles of the south had even managed to follow him there, Conan has set off north once more, Intent on visiting the Aesir whom he had adventured with so much earlier in the series. "The Frost Giant's Daughter" - By Robert E. Howard, picks up some time after this revelrie. The Aesir + Conan have gone out to raid their perpetual enemies, the Vanir. In the process, Conan is tempted by the daughter of the frost giants, and allows his lust and anger at her to nearly lead him to his death at the hands of her brothers.

The story is something of an oddity in itself. It was rejected by Weird Tales on first publication, so Howard re-wrote the story to feature a character named Amra of Akbitana and re-submitted it under the name of 'Gods of the north'. Needless to say, this story is probably one of the most anthologized Conan stories now, even though, in my opinion, it doesn't really do a whole lot for his image, and actually goes some way towards the common (commonly wrong!) assumption that Conan is just a rampaging death machine like some sort of prehistoric Hulk. This is perhaps why I prefer this later placement, it allows for his shift in attitude to be explained by the hardships and frustrations which he has faced during his trip back north.

I'm not going to go into any more detail about the story itself, if you are a Conan fan and you haven't read this story yet, then clearly you need to rectify this oversight. It's been adapted by Marvel (Multiple times), Dark Horse, and is contained in its original form in the following: 

The Coming of Conan the Cimmerian: The Original Adventures of the Greatest Sword and Sorcery Hero of All Time! by Robert E. Howard

 So instead of boring you with a review of something about 90% of my readers have read already, lets just listen to some music instead. 

Conan the Adventurer: Episode 7

Well I thought for a few days that I wasn't going to be able to continue my reviews of the TV series. Netflix has decided to remove it from their streaming service. However, I was tipped off that the entire series is still available on Hulu.com.

So here we go.

From Hyborean Apocrypha

Episode 7: The Ruby Fruit Forest.

Conan and the crew are riding through a vaguely jungle-like swath of land, they find a ruby lodged in the hoof of Bayu's horse. A brief argument ensues as to the ownership of said gem. Conan simply chucks it into the river to settle the spat. Upon crossing the river however they come upon a man who was killed by a booby trap. They decide to head back, but Otli is knocked from the back of Zzebens horse necessitating an unsuccessful rescue by the Cimmerian. The three remaining companions set off to follow the river looking for Otli.

They soon realize that Otli is still alive, but has been taken by some unknown party of individuals. They also find traces of Hissar Zhul's soldiery. Soon finding themselves in the midst of a battle between the soldiers and the forests native inhabitants. The soldiers are defeated but the natives shoot the three companions with poisoned darts, as they drift off to sleep they finally see the elusive foe.

Sporting face paint and jungle headdresses, these natives survive by their cunning in laying traps and outwitting Hissar Zhul's soldiers. They also have Otli, who they consider the representation of their God, Mordan. Otli revels in his new position of power, but soon has the three companions freed. He goes onto explain that the Rubies that are so plentiful in the forest, contain a special power for summoning spells. Hissar Zhul has a great and insatiable lust for the gems, and sends his soldiers to raid the villages and secure all they can find.

Bayu also has a lust for the rubies, not for their magical properties but for their value on the open market. He convinces one of the forest children to show him where they come from. Otli is also having conflicting opinions as to what he should do, he feels obligated to stay with these simple people and help them in their fight against Hissar Zhul. But he also feels that would be letting down Conan and the others in their own quest to fight Hissar Zhul.

Orders have been sent through magical means to Hissar Zhul's general in the area. He is to raid the villages, leaving none of the forest people alive and collect every gem he can find. Bayu has gone to the source of the rubies, while he attempts to explain to the child why he wants them, the child also explains to him why he dosen't. They aren't there long before the soldiers appear, they threaten the boy and Bayu springs into action to protect him.

The boy escapes but Bayu is captured and tortured for the location of the rubies. Having been taught something important about life by the simple words of the forest child, Bayu would rather endure the torture than help the soldiers. The boy soon returns to lead Conan and Zzeben to where the soldiers have Bayu. They arrive in the nick of time to save him from death, and prevent the soldiers from getting the magical rubies.

Upon their return to the village, Otli decides he cannot continue to lie to the forest people and so decides to continue with Conan on his quest to destroy Hissar Zhul.

Conan the Barbarian - 2011

Alright, the review you've all been (Not) waiting for.

I'm going to preface and say that I did not go into the film with a goal of being objective. I went in with pre-existing bias. I had read the Novelization, written by Michael Stackpole some weeks ago. I very much enjoyed it, it had the right feel of a Conan story. Sure there were still some bits that I didn't care for, but on the whole it was a good attempt. The author prefaced the novel by saying that, what he tried to write was the novel which the movie was adapted from, rather than the other way round. I think now that I've seen the film, he definitively accomplished that goal.

The Movie itself felt like a slapdash attempt to adapt something. Certain scenes from the film were re-created perfect, but some of the best scenes in the book were no where to be seen. The film felt truncated, sloppily edited, as if large chunks had been excised from it in order to string endless action-set pieces together. It edited for people with no attention span, and then directed by a director who seems to be incapable of directing a good movie. Uwe Boll revels in his (in)ability, and ignores criticism.. but I actually enjoyed In the Name of the King. At least as much as I enjoyed this new Conan film, which is not to say I didn't enjoy them at all.

Conan certainly could have been better if a lot of things were done differently. The one thing they got right though was Jason Momoa as Conan. Unlike when I watch the 1982 film, and I just see a brawny barbarian on screen.. while watching this I felt I saw Conan on screen. Sure there are a few posing homages to the original film, but those are gone from the screen nearly as soon as they pop up. Sure his eyes should have been blue and his hair could have been darker, but he looks so much like Conan it's totally believable.

The Script on the other hand was, in a word, dire. It's the perfect example of two many chefs ruining the soup. The problem is, the first two chefs used all the cooking time and ingredients to make a crappy pot of soup, and then were replaced at the last minute by a chef who's unenviable task it was to try and make the soup edible. He made these changes, and then was promptly told that the original soup was superior and it was mainly what was served to the unsuspecting audience. It was tepid and flavourless, and essentially was pretty weak sauce. Whats worse however, is that it completely squandered the talent of the actors.

The film itself suffered from other problems, it had way to many producers, who if the reports around the internet are anything to go by were constantly undermining one another in an attempt to push their version of the film. Essentially whatever the focus groups wanted, the producers wanted. What we got was a film that should in all likely hood have been a PG13 film billed as a "Hard 'R'". It wasn't. If Conan was an 'R' then plenty of other films are unfit for human consumption.

The whole project was a tremendously poorly executed venture. Almost everything beyond the initial casting of Jason Momoa and Stephen Lang was done poorly. They mandated the re-use of pre-existing set pieces to save money, yet still gave the project 100Million dollar budget. Considering that's roughly what the first season of Game of Thrones cost, I expect a lot more bang for the buck.

All of that said, I feel that the movie shows that with some improvements a serious attempt at adapting an actual REH story is possible. Jason Momoa is capable of playing the Barbarian Warrior. The only thing that seems to be missing are audiences willing to go and see the film.

My personal feelings regarding that, runs towards the idea that they didn't do enough to differentiate the movie from the 1982 one. They didn't resolutely contend with the enduring legacy left by the other films. There biggest misstep was naming the film "Conan the Barbarian". They should have left it alone, simply Conan. They should have abandoned the storyline of Conan's village being attacked, Abandoned his father being killed, Abandoned the entire revenge angle. Simply put they should have scrapped everything about the movie that would lead people to assume it was a re-make. It wouldn't have eradicated that belief, but it might have helped. They should have scrapped some of the ludicrous effects pieces and used the money to promote the film. Most importantly they should never have converted it to 3D. That alone would have freed up considerable funds to aggressively promote it. All of these are things they should have done, but didn't.

At this point though it's all relatively academic, the film is a fairly well known dud. It's likely it will damage a lot of peoples careers for a long time. The actors probably worst of all. At this point I think the studio needs to quickly edited an extended Cut of the film, They should add an animated map ala-Indiana Jones to help fix the continuity and flow of the film, they should add anything else they have to put back in it that will help it make more sense, any more naked breasts they can put in it in order to get a "Not Rated" label. Then release this new one on DVD. Don't wait 6 months to put it out, instead they should try to have it out by Halloween, anything they can do to try and re-coup their budget.

Then what they should do is, abandon Hollywood, and court overseas investors who are less enthralled to the focus groups and ratings agencies. Personally I'd like to see them make a Television series, try and sell it to Cinemax or Starz or Showtime to compete with Game of Thrones.

In the end I didn't hate the film, I was just disappointed in it. I'll buy it when it comes out on DVD, Especially if they provide me with a longer more fleshed out cut. There are hints in the script and in the novelization and in the film itself that there are, at least in theory, more scenes waiting to be shown to us.

30. Tor Conan #8, Conan the Valorous by John Maddox Roberts, part 5

The battle against the Vanir and their lizardmen allies has begun in earnest. So far did Conan's call for arms go that even a band of Aesir made the journey to answer it. Perhaps after this battle is over, They ask if he will go raiding with them again. While the bulk of the army fights outside, Conan and the Khitain wizard make their way back into the mountain to the central room. There Conan completes his mission and brings Hathor-Ka all the way from Stygia.

With the help of the Khitain, Conan slays the Vendhyans. As the Cimmerians are mopping up the forces outside, they free a few more captives. Hathor-Ka's trust in Toth amon seems to be poorly placed, as her own summon ritual begins to fail. Soon the caverns below Ben Morgh begin collapsing and Conan and the Khitain wizard make their way outside. Crom's home is now purified from the taint of southern sourcery. Conan's mission is done.

Declining the offers of his family to stay the winter with them, Conan opts instead of journey onwards with the Aesir instead. Their good cheer, song and strong drink are more to his liking now. Cimmeria is home, will always be home.. but his feet have started to itch once more.

~review

Okay, this was the first John Maddox Roberts Conan that I've read so far. I had intended to start with Conan the bold, which chronologically would be the very first story. But at the time I didn't have either that or Conan of Venarium. No great loss on Venarium, but I kind of regret not waiting now for a copy of Bold.

Outside of REH himself, John Maddox Roberts writes what has to be by far the best Conan story I've read in quite a while. I'm really looking forward to reading another. The nicest thing about this volume though is that it wasn't padded. It felt more like a trilogy of interconnected short stories. The bit in Koth and Nemedia, then the Border Kingdoms and finally Cimmeria. It also sets up "The Frost Giant's Daughter" quite nicely.

It also re-introduced Thoth Amon, who we haven't seen for quite a long time. Still up his sorcerous tricks, but this time we get some vague inkling of just how powerful he truly is. Thankfully though there seems to be a rival, perhaps more Benign, but certainly far less malignant branch of sorcery in the east which can oppose his plans. I suppose we will see in the coming adventures!

Up next, I'm going to put up my review of the new Conan The Barbarian film, and then rather than jumping back in and reading 'The Frost Giant's Daughter' I'm going to go back to the very beginning and read Conan the Bold by John Maddox Roberts.

30. Tor Conan #8, Conan the Valorous by John Maddox Roberts, part 4

Some what surprisingly, during their first day out, Conan meets a familiar face. The Khitain fortune teller. This is some what unexpected since the last time we saw him was way back in Koth. He has journeyed the whole way alone, come to give aid to Conan against the ancient evil which he now knows wants to be unleashed. He knows that what lies beneath Ben Morgh is an Old One, ancient before the Earth was born.

The men approach the mountain, but are wary of getting to close until nightfall. Caution is the order of the day, The Vendhyans and their tame Vanir have gotten there first. Many score of the fierce northern warriors now guard the mountain of Ben Morgh. The Khitain is incredulous that Conan and his friend Chulcain still mean to go through with their plans. Conan to take the vial into the heart of the mountain, and Chulcain to find the missing villagers. If he knew the barbarians were this exciting, he would have come here a long time ago.

The three set off at night fall, making their way through the precipitous rocks to the base of the mountain. They wander for a while inside the caverns, but eventually come to where the captive villagers are being held. They hear tales from the villagers of the demons who kidnapped them, descriptions that Conan recognizes, Lizardmen. They free the villagers and send them back out of the caves with Conan and the others standing behind to fend off the lizards.

They make their escape fighting the lizards the whole way, and on their emergence from the caverns find several a vanir dead. The villagers had killed him and gone to warn the other tribes. Soon many score of Cimmerians, from most of the tribes begin to gather. Vanir on Ben Morgh is a travesty against their god, and must be dealt with. All inter-tribal enmity is buried for the moment until this new threat is dealt with. Conan begins to lay out the details of what he knows and how to deal with the problems and soon the Cimmerians are ready to move.

30. Tor Conan #8, Conan the Valorous by John Maddox Roberts, part 3

having now spent some time adventuring in the border kingdom, Conan has at last made his way to Cimmeria. Before long he comes to the attention of two men, one who can see him from afar, and the other who knows immediately who he is. They are two of his kinsmen, though the youngest is about 10 years Conan's junior. He's also jealous of Conan's taking part in the sack of Venarium, which is spoken over campfires still. The older man is not jealous however, but callow and hateful towards Conan's time spent adventuring in the south. But kin is kin, and they offer to take Conan back to their hut while he is in his homeland.

The youth spends some time asking questions of Conan's adventures, Conan telling him and his father of the glories of the south. Of sea battles and cavalry charges thundering across the plain. The adults remain unimpressed, and begin to talk about things happening more locally. Several people at a steading were found butchered, They had been gnawed upon. Among them was the younger man's betrothed.

The following day, Conan helps his kinsmen move their stead down into the valley. Winter is nearly upon them and they need to get the cattle down from the mountains. After a days labour they have a party, after the Cimmerian fashion. News comes that three families have not yet arrived, fearing that the same monsters who attacked the steading may have also attacked these kinsmen. Conan and several others make plans to go searching.

While this is going on, the Vendhyans and their new Vanir guides are slowly making there way through Cimmerian territory. Their destination is Ben Morgh, and with the delays that Conan has had to contend with they may just beat him there.

30. Tor Conan #8, Conan the Valorous by John Maddox Roberts, part 2

Nemedia now dwindling into the distance behind him, Conan enters the Border Kingdom. It's a Kingdom in name only, the only law present is what steel buys. He comes across the smoldering remains of a village, barely enough left even for crows to fight over. Soon, he is hailed by a woman, a warrior chieftain named Aelfrith. Those were her people who were slaughtered, though many escaped to her fastness. She offers Conan hospitality for the night, and he accepts and follows her and her band back to the fortress.

Conan tries to avoid becoming embroiled in her conflict. He thanks her for the food and shelter, and heads north the following day. Less than a day's ride he comes across a group of slavers, he overhears them talking about kidnapping a person he assumes to be Aelfrith. Knowing this he heads back to her fortress, upon ariving he finds out that the slavers had already struck, but not to take Aelfrith. They were paid by another chieftain to steal her daughter. She hopes to convince Conan to help her rescue the girl.

Conan agrees, he feels he owes her that much at least for the meal, and he has a special enmity towards child stealers. The two set out towards this rival chieftain's camp, splitting up and sneaking inside. Aelfrith quickly gets captured and brought in front of the man who has her daughter. While this is going on, Conan tries to formulate a plan to get them all out alive. Things go well for a while but quickly turn south. Before the day is out Conan has to fight his way through a score or more of warriors, and a rampaging bull.

Thankfully though he has some experience in dealing with bulls, and upon dispatches the beast effects his rescue of Aelfrith and her child. The three then head back to Cragfall fortress, and Conan sets about planning out his departure and return to Cimmeria.

30. Tor Conan #8, Conan the Valorous by John Maddox Roberts, part 1

After the failed attempt to acquire the treasure of the Blood Stained God, Conan has headed east. He is now in Khorshemish, one of the major cities in Koth. He's been there about a month, slowly gambling away the remains of his Turanian gear and even his horse Ymir bought before his run in with the cult of Zath. It is at a low rent inn where his newest adventure begins. While sitting drinking wine, Conan is approached by a sultry woman. He can tell from her dress and the eye makeup she wears that she's a Stygian. She has a quest for him. Return to his homeland, travel to a certain mountain and there complete a spell. The only problem is, this particular mountain is Ben Morgh, the home of Crom. Cursing at her, he tells her he will go.

After agreeing and the woman leaves, Conan is approached by an aged Khitian fortune teller. The man explains to him that though he thinks himself a free agent, the hand of the gods are moving the chess pieces this time. The Khitian gives Conan an amulet which he claims will keep him safe, Conan laughs about it, and runs the man off. The next day he goes to the market and spends some of his payment on a new sword and a new horse. It's a long trip to Cimmeria, and he must be well prepared for any eventuality. Having been gone from his homeland for several years now its difficult to say what may have changed.

While this is happening he is also being watched, Several Vendhyans also have plans to make it to Ben Morgh, but their road is different than Conan's. They plan to head to Argos, and from there take a boat up the coast to Vanirheim. Vanirmen raid Cimmeria all the time, and they will just pay some Vanirmen to take them to Ben Morgh. It's a race, and they aim to get to Ben Morgh before Conan can.

The following day Conan sets out at first light. Conan realizes almost at once that he is being followed. The trap takes several days to spring however, and then he is in the fight of his life. He slays an Argosian and a Turanian with little effort, though he takes a wound to his shoulder. Their Gunderman captain however is a different story, and that battle lasts some time. Eventually he bests his foe, and sets off. Several more days pass before Conan, his wound now infected, makes his way through the gates of Belvarus.

He goes to see a leech, who cleans and poultices the wound. The man is afraid that some sorcery is preventing the laceration from healing and may be aiding the infection. There is only so much he can do, It's now that Conan thinks back to the Khitian fortune teller, and the amulet the man gave him. It may indeed have been the only thing that kept the noxious sorcery at bay long enough for him to make it to Nemedia and get help.